(Warning: The following article is written purely for humour… so… don’t sue me… pretty please)

During his video testimony at the Australian Royal Commission (ARC), August 15, 2015, Governing Body (GB) member, Geoffrey Jackson, 60, made some rather startling and peculiar statements. In describing his role as a member of the GB he said:

‘The qualifications for a member of the Governing Body is – it  involves someone who is considered an anointed Witness, who has worked in scriptural, with a scriptural background, either as a missionary or a fulltime servant for many years, and is able to fulfil the role of the Governing Body, which is, may I state, a group, a spiritual group of men who are the guardians of our doctrine, and as guardians of the doctrine, look at things that need to be decided based on our doctrines, which are based on the constitution of the bible.’[1] [Bold mine]

Guardians of Our Doctrine (G.O.D.).
Well, that’s a first.

I don’t know about y’all, but when I heard those words – Guardians of Our Doctrine – they conjured up images of the Powers Rangers (albeit a patriarchal version); you know: ‘The Faithful and Discreet SlaveGuardians of Our Doctrine.’ And when they unite every Wednesday at world headquarters, their powers combine and they have a Megazord experience; you know, with rays of ‘New Light’ beaming forth from the walls of the conference room like a microwave, resulting in the faces of the GB shining forth with light like that of Moses as he descended from Mount Sinai, after being in the presence of God… ‘the presence of his magnificence’ (to quote Mark Sanderson‘s words during one Special Convention in South Africa, accompanied by his sidekick David Schafer).


I wonder who the Green Ranger among these ‘Guardians of our Doctrine’ would be in casu; the one who bears the Dragon Shield, the one able to unilaterally summon the force of the Dragonzord with the mere blowing of his flute, in order to do battle with ‘God’s enemies.’ David Splane? Anthony Morris III?


Green Ranger Flute[Laughing]

Although, perhaps, the equivalent of that role has since been eliminated, what with the Watchtower Corporation’s presidential role being officially divorced from the GB force[2] – the previous ‘Green Rangers’ having been: Charles ‘Pastor’ Russell, Joseph ‘Judge’ Rutherford, Nathan Knorr, Frederick ‘The Wizard’ Franz and Milton Henschel; the most potent of these being Rutherford, he being the realest ‘OG’ in this ‘G-Unit.’

Alas! Gone is that era.

[The Green Ranger’s Theme Music]



[1] Transcript of Geoffrey Jackson’s testimony at the Australian Royal Commission, last accessed at http://www.childabuseroyalcommission.gov.au/downloadfile.ashx?guid=5d6d5636-001a-4e8e-84b2-2d8338ec25fa&type=transcriptpdf&filename=Transcript-(Day-155)&fileextension=pdf on September 30, 2015.

[2] ‘Jehovah’s Witnesses Order Shake Up’ Washington Post last accessed http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/aponline/20001009/aponline235956_000.htm on September 30, 2015.